I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
