bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize