You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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