walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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