They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
