someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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