For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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