I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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