I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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