I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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