i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
zippers are such a cool invention
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
