we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
