Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
zippers are such a cool invention
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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