Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
