If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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