I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
