you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
