What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
