that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize