sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize