i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
