My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
