D3 body, D1 cock
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
