you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
