There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
