corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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