What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
