drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
