nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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