I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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