he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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