just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
