i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
