I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize