Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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