Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
