but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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