Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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