I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
