I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
