better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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