Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
