I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
