i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
