R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
