No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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