i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize