Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize