She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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