I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
True but thats because hes a fetus.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
