WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
