Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
