4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
