Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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