I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His hands were made for my vagina.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize