hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
