She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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