it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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