I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize