you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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