my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
