wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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