is your mom at the bar?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
