did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize